VIRUSES ARCHAEA BACTERIA MADNESS SPARTA BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Viruses! They're fantastic! But not as fantastic as the music I'm listening to right now, but ahem. Viruses.

Viruses can kill all of humankind if we don't have a reproductive system. They can. And they will. They have a plan. They will get better at it. Who will triumph? Us, or viruses? Probably us, but guys, do you think viruses will adapt to everything we throw at them? Think about it.

We have high chances of surviving against viruses with our current tech.

Have you gotten your flu vaccines yet? You should. You will need that. Think about the vaccine as a syringe putting little target practice things into your body, telling the cells that "THESE ARE THE ENEMY. THEY ARE TOP PRIORITY. IGNORE THEM AND WE WILL POSSIBLY DIE." It's like an army sergeant. TEN HUT SOLDIERS, WE ARE GOING TO KILL THOSE FLU VIRUSES BECAUSE THEY WILL KILL US IF WE DO NOT! AM I CLEAR MARINES! Sir Yes Sir! THEN DAMN RIGHT I AM. NOW RALLY UP! ITS GO TIME!

Sexual Reproduction? WHAT DO YOU MEAN SEXUAL REPRODUCTION? WAT? Oh that sexual reproduction. Yeah.

All of you people without babies, GET BABIES! Spread your genes! Marry someone and get a child! You will need that child! That child has the same job as you! Get another child. Guess how long that's gone. More than 10,000 years, mah man.

Hyenas have a female dominated system, as I said before. The female hyenas have a very strange clitoris called a Pseudo-Penis. Strange, I know. Ducks have a corkscrew Pseudo-Penis. Google that with care, my friend! Google it with care.

Pseudo-Penis is a weird name. At least we don't have one.

Us males are born to be awesome! Seriously. I'm not kidding. We are automatically programmed to try to be more awesome than the other people. For the ladies. The most awesome person gets the ladies. Girls can be awesome, but they don't need to! That's great because we have to be awesome, and that's hard work.

Sexual Reproduction is interesting. And, as everyone says, and yes, that's where the word comes from, sexy. Hyuk hyuk. Yeah.

If you want a pic of a duck's Pseudo-Penis in this blog, then you better vote for it, as that penis is the worst thing ever known in the world. It doesn't even look like a penis. Yet it's still gross! For now, I'll give you a picture of a corkscrew, if you are to be satisfied. Ok? Ok.

FDSLFJDSLFHSDLKFHDSLFHDLS WEIRDLY AWKWARD RANDOM THING I HOPE HANS DOES NOT SEE THIS.

A penis is important! The other sexual organ that females have is good too, but if I even mention the name, I'd kill myself. And then with my soul, I'd pick up my knife, cut out my heart and put it in the fridge. And preserve it so I can put it in a robot in the future! But I should save my brain too. Good idea! Yeah! Yeah, as I was saying, sexual organs are very important.

It is important to make more of myself! Exactly what i'm going to do!

There are lots of animals that like to die! Like lemmings! They kill themselves for the next generation! Woo! Kill yourselves lemmings! For the future!

My dog had babies! But about 2 years after that it died. Poor doggie. Let's hope you're chewing bones in heaven, little girl.

Alpha males are more common than alpha females, but there are some alpha females out there. Like hyenas! Yeah.....

Most male animals can reproduce thousands of times per day! It's their job, so hey, let them do it!

Everything and everyone has sex at least once in their lives! The only disorder that stops them from having sex is being a virgin. SO GET OUT THERE AND REPRODUCE! DARNIT YOU NEED KIDS!

Yeah, don't reproduce. You won't be known around the world as one of the many people who had sex!

WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THESE GLANDS! THEY GIVE YOU THE LADIES AND THEY GET YOU SEX! NOW LET ME TALK ABOUT THIS,YOU SCUMBAG, BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE BLOODY ENDOCRINE SYSTEM! THIS TITLE IS GETTING SO LONG! WHO THE HELL CARES ANYWAY! THIS IS GONNA GET AS LONG AS THE POST SO IM GONNA STOP NOW! OK?! OK!

Our glands are amazing! They give us pimples, they make us hate our parents, and worst of all, they make us commit suicide, if pushed enough. So you hate your glands, don't you? Well, they are extremely important, which you will find out later!

We have glands in our pee pee. Oh wait, that's not the way you say it. We have glands in our sexual organs. They are important. Very important.

The Pituitary gland is important. But it's about the size of a pea. You heard that right, a pea. Pea Pea!

This is kinda weird, but if babies cry, that activates milk production in the breasts? So, women. Don't hear baby crying. You'll waste useful energy.

The thyroid gland manages a lot of stuff. It's also very important. It's also in your neck. Weird.

Gonads are weird. We both have them. Even you, ladies. Even you. Nobody is left out.

Your Glands are weird. They all have jobs. Some tell your heart to beat faster. Others tell you to start makin' dat breast milk! All the glands have jobs. Sweat glands and salivary glands make watery stuff. They are called saliva and sweat. Sweat is salty, saliva is a digesting liquid which is AMAZING. It can't do much without the teeth, because, if there ever was a digesting race between saliva and stomach acid, the stomach acid would win by a longshot.

Your Testosterone is made by your Testes. That's why it's called Testosterone! Geddit Geddit? Well, maybe not.

Muscular men need testosterone! Steroids have testosterone in them. Steroids might give you too much testosterone. Steroids are bad. Baaaaad.

Glands are very important. Without our glands, we would just not be the same. NOT THE SAME!

Hormones! Those things that give you growth spurts and....... Stuff.
Hee hee, look at that fracking cat.

My glands make me do weird stuff. I mean, like weird. Like jumping off your balcony! And hurting yourself. A bit. Actually, It didn't hurt much. But you see what your hormones and glands make you do? Damn.

Napoleon wasn't very small! It's a myth! Which means the pituitary gland is not your body's Napoleon!

The pituitary glands controls the adrenal glands, which control the kidneys.

Adrenaline is made by the adrenal glands, you need adrenaline to get a shock and run!

Your pancreas is the biggest gland. Yep, its a gland. If you did not know that, then see? It's pretty big eh?

Gonads are the sex glands. The Testes and the Ovaries. If you think that's gross, then you're right. LOL.

Embryologists are weird. They cut out gonads!

When you are in the embryo, your embryo is automatically set to make it female! But if your body manually turns it into a male, then that means... YOU'LL BE A MALE! SIMPLE!

Your sex hormones pretty much define themselves. They make you want to have....... sex. Duh.

There may be a dream you're having about your girlfriend right now because of your hormones.........

BUT THIS IS SCIENCE, PAY ATTENTION.

Your hormones do not make you try to kill people. Actually, they do. But if you're Lucius, son of Satan, then that means you must have a lot of hormones. But you're probably not. Because with your telekinesis powers, you could make me pour that oil on myself and make me set a match. Wait, what are you.......... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Ok, I actually wrote this a long time ago. I just started again now. I forgot about it in that fire. Oh my god it burns. Still does.

Oh, and speaking of horrifying stress, your adrenaline glands are needed in stressful moments. Like when I almost died in that fire. Even by thinking about that moment, adrenaline pumps into my veins.

Hormones are things that make you have growth spurts and acne. So......... WHEN YOU BECOME A TEEN, WATCH OUT, BECAUSE YOU WILL GROW THROUGH THE CEILING AND THEN BE COVERED IN SPOTS.

Wait, that's not it. It's a little lower than that. You just grow a little and then you get a lot of spots around your body. Horrible, horrible spots. I bet you are experiencing it right now (or you experienced it in the past)

Hormones sometimes make you bloodthirsty! That's why we invaded enemy villages a long time ago. You want to become Lucius. I'll just inject a lot of those hormones into you. And then I'll teach you how to be stealthy. And then I'll bribe the devil to give you mind control, combustion, telekinesis and a huge planning brain. Then you can be Lucius. Oh, and random person, I just did that to your son. Good luck.








































































































                                                                                           Good Luck Indeed.

YOU SEE THIS CRAP? THIS CRAP IS THE BLOODY IMMUNE SYSTEM, YOU BLOODY CRAPBAG, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS CRAP, NOW READ, OR ELSE ILL KILL YOU AND CRAP IN YOUR HEAD

Don't die. That's the aim of life. Dont damn die.

I like to nod die. I have a lots of way to not die. Like living. Watching movies. Feeding myself. Watching Movies doesn't really help, but hey, I eat popcorn.

Bacteria is all like: I am bad, and that’s good. I will never be good, and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be than me. While cells are all like: GTFO Bacteria, GET OUT! JUST GET OUT! WE'LL KILL YOU! DIE (THIS CENSOR IS FOR SANE IDIOTS)!

If you get a splinter in your toe, the assassins come in. Those assassins are called white blood cells. They slit the throats of the bacteria. Like a boss.

Natural Born Killers. That's another name for White Blood Cells. They were born to kill all bacteria. Really, Bacteria are innocent. The thing they do is try to reproduce. But they do something bad. And they do that. Hence"I am bad, and that’s good. I will never be good, and that’s not bad. There’s no one I’d rather be than me."

Not dying is important to do every single day. Do not jump out of planes. Do not go into active combat zones. Do not eat bad food. Do not become a Necromorph. Do not find out that your girlfriend has turned into a zombie too late. Do not hallucinate that your now-zombie GF is on your spaceship. Do not do any of that stuff. Thank you.

White Blood cells are like assassins, they eat all bacteria. But they die after doing that about 100 times. Which doesn't seem like much fun. So your white blood cells are good at their job.

You might be allergic to stuff. So that's why you tell your friends if you put peanuts in your cookies.

Phagocytes are amazing. They eat and eat and EAT. Their mission? Destroy all invaders. And destroy all rogue cells. We shall kill all bacteria! And cancer cells! They are the dead percent.

Your Immune System helps you not die.

White blood cells excrete the worst possible thing. It comes out of zombie's mouths. It comes out of that last guy's eyes a few days after that murder. It's pus! Beautiful pus. Pus that comes out of your rotting gash that you're gonna die from. Pus that comes out of your blisters. Pus! An ode to pus.

Blood is not made to come out of your cuts. Blood is made to go around your body. It's like a cell highway, which is protected by the white blood cell cops.

Red blood cells transport air to your heart. They are also what makes your blood red. You want to see blood without red blood cells in it? Just go to the sea! It's everywhere.

Pus may be scary, but it's good stuff. It's the dead bodies of that bacteria that the WBC just killed.

A lot of microbes literally want to kill you. Literally. Seriously. Don't get me wrong, these guys are micro-murderers.

But these tiny micro-murderers are caught and killed by the micro-assassin-cells! The WBC!

Every animal has an innate immune system, but we are born with the innate and learning kind.

Skin is good at keeping your organs in, but it's made to keep stuff out. Outta your beautiful system!

Do you want to die? Well you know what dying is like? First up, everything starts to go white. Then your mind starts to go away. And then oh no! You're dead. Very dead. And then you can't think about anything! And that would be boring. Except it's not, because you can't think about it being boring! And that makes it even more boring! Death sucks. And that's why we have our immune system! Next question.

I love our immune system! But suicide just destroys the point. So please, stop killing yourselves!

It's possible to wallow in filth without dying because of your skin! But if you are bitten by a rabid dog and didn't get your shots..... It was nice knowing ya, reader.

Most bacteria can't get past your awesome skin! But as you get older, it gets easier for attackers to, well, attack.

Phagocytes are amazing. They help! Eat all that bacteria, Phagocytes!

Marcophages are the bodyguards of the organs. They do not let bacteria get in your gut. Over their dead body!

Natural Killer cells are amazing! They do what they are called.

Antigen means Antibody Generator.

Antibodies attack in groups, but that still doesn't mean they can kill the bacteria. It's like Boomer Bile in Left 4 Dead. Antibodies tell the WBC where the bacteria is. And then they swarm them. And kill them.

Helper T cells are the alerting cells. They clean up. If a cell gets infected, then they say "There are problems here! We got a problem here at sector 15!"

Cytotoxic T cells are the executioners, the mercy killers. They kill infected cells.

OH MY BULLCRAP! Muscles!

Muscles are everywhere in your body, and they are being used during every second of your life, the heart being the most used muscle, probably. Well, it needs to beat for about 90 years, don't you think that's hard work?!

The longest muscle in your body goes down your leg, the bigger you are, the longer it is. Actually, that kinda counts for all muscles.

The Skeletal Muscles are the muscles on the outside. They are the ones that are exposed if you peel your skin off like a banana. Try it! Wait..... Actually, don't try it. Please.

Your muscles are really bloody. And if you are a chicken, your muscle would taste great deep fried with canola oil, served with a crispy outside and some fries. Yeah.... "Drool"

If your muscles were exposed to the outside world, and yes, it would really hurt, everyone could see every detail of your muscles.

Muscles are needed for a lot of stuff, including chewing, touching, sleeping, surviving, breathing, living, creating, writing, fighting, gaming, shirt throwing, beer drinking, and finally, the most important thing, thumpadumping.

Muscles contract and relax.

Muscles are thicker in the middle.

Chickens have bigger muscles than we do? Looks like it.

We have quite a bit of meat on our bones, I get why cannibals like to eat us.

Flesh is just some kind of muscle! So meat is muscle. Your tongue is a muscle. ALMOST EVERYTHING IS YOUR MUSCLES!

We didn't have a good understanding of muscle until the 15th century, but we didn't even know how muscles worked until 1954! Shocked? You should be.

If you think you don't use your muscles much, you are WRONG. You use a lot of muscles even when you sit on that cheap, junky couch watching your tiny, static-plagued TV, eating chips. Ha!

Big guns are needed to do strong stuff. Like lifting weights, and other heavy things.

Your muscles are very good at their job, even though that they do only 2 things!

Ligaments are similar to tendons, except they connect bones to other bones.

Tendons are thick, we have some in our heels, it's called the Achilles' Heel. It really hurts when you whack it. Also, it was the fabled weak point of Achilles. Which an arrow got shot in. Which killed him.

There is a lot of contracting and relaxing in your muscle jobs, they didn't sign up for much.

Exercising helps your muscles by hurting them, and then they heal and get stronger. Therefore, don't OVEREXCERCISE!

Huxley is an overused last name. Andrew Fielding Huxley tried to find out about muscles. And, yes, his last name is Huxley. Told you it was an overused surname. Totally overused. Nah, he's related to the Huxley family.

You would not be able to move without your muscles or your skeleton. So you need both. But some animals don't need the skeletons, like the slug, the snail and the sea cucumber.

You have 640 skeletal muscles, which means we don't count muscles like the heart. But that's a lot, amirite? iamrite.

The squeezy part of your body is muscles, you can squeeze them, but you can't squeeze skeletons. You can break your skeleton, if you really try. But don't. Please.

It is possible for bacteria to get to your bloodstream through a small cut in your skin. You can die, even get just a small cut.

Your heart can skip a beat, which is a weird feeling. But your heart can overbeat, creating a heart attack. Uh Oh.

As you get older, your muscles get harder to move.

Muscles are bloody everywhere. And yes, they are really bloody.

Cells need food to grow! So we need meat to grow our muscles. Eat your meat! Eat eat eat!

By the way, nice rhyme, eh? Hahaha.

Could you peel back your skin and send the photo to me so I can observe muscles? Here's my email: thisistotallynotafakeaccount@gmail.com.

Rip apart those muscles! Tear them apart and stuff them in your mouth! I'm talking about chicken muscle of course. It's delicious! Just don't eat too much.

Meat is the #1 thing we love to eat. Veggies, we don't need much of them, but we need lots of meat! And lots of water! If you don't eat meat, your muscles will not grow, and you will be weak! But before that you would probably die of hunger. It's possible!

You can die of too much strength! It's a real thing!

Jean Hanson and Hugh Exmor Huxley also found out about the muscles.

Muscles are truly worth learning about. Because they are one of the many important parts of your big, big, complicated body.

Your Gluteus Maximus is your buttcheek. Hate to break it to ya, not all of your muscles are cool.

One of our bones can move in relation to your other bone. Why? Because of muscles.

Your skeletal muscle is a rope. Made out of smaller ropes. Which are made out of even smaller ropes.

We cannot see muscle fibers. They are as thin as a cell. So now you know how many muscle cells are in meat. Well, you don't, actually. Take a good guess.

SEX! Now that  I got your attention, it's time to tell you about the Huxleys. MUHUHUAHUAHAHAHAHAHA!

The Huxleys are good at discovering stuff. One Huxley was Darwin's bulldog. The others tried to discover more about muscles.

Our muscle strings are like springs. They contract and stretch.

SHOOP THE WHOOPING SKELETAN

A baculum is in any Mammal's little willy. It's a penis bone. But we don't have it, interestingly.

Polar Bears have a streamlined skull, which helps them swim in water. Unlike a Grizzly's skull.

You don't need to be a vertebrate to have a skeleton, skeleton means bone, not a spinal cord.

Molting is very terrible.

You have at least 32 teeth.

There are a few bones in your ear. And there is one bone in your throat. Behind your Mandible.

There are lots of bones in your body.

Ancient Romans were awesome. According to people in Ye Olde times.

Romans prohibited the dissection of humans. Which meant romans did not have a good view of what humans looked like.

The local judge usually gave away dead bodies of prisoners to the first person ever to dissect a human.

Most of the secrets in life are bound under human skin.

Placental mammals are pretty gross, because they give birth in a weird way.

Pronghorn Antelope's horns are very amazing, because they are removable.

The Skeleton is not the dead part of us, it is vital. We need it. It protects your organs, and it holds your structure together.

In Alaska, Baculums were used as handles for weapons, and are sometimes sold as souvenirs to people who visit. Gross, but cool. The largest one in existence, as claimed by the owner, was sold for $8,000.

The hardest parts of our body are, wait for it, wait for it, our skeleton.

The largest bone in your body is your Femur. Once again, no, we do not have a Baculum.

We may not have a penis bone, but other primates do! Why? The question is, why?

Spider Monkeys do not have a Baculum either. What is going on here?

Your bones have marrow in them, which is pretty tasty.

Baculums sold by the Alaskans are called Oosiks. They are usually fossilized, and they can be over 1000 years old!

Baculums help with Sexual Intercourse, but we have something else that I would rather not talk about.

Why am I leaving out the ladies? Female animals also have bones to help with Sexual Intercourse. Not sure if the ladies in our species have it though. So calling all scientists!

Exoskeletons are very heavy. Which means you never see an ant the size of an Elephant.

You have 26 bones in each foot.

Talking about the skeleton is a breeze! I should have highlighted it before!

Everyone loves organs! Well, maybe not you. Or you. Or maybe even you. And all you ladies.

Our organs are gross, aren't they. Nope.

Remember, evolution is real. It's not just Charles Darwin making a deal with Satan. Shut up.

Your skin protects you, but it doesn't count as a skeleton.

Rhino Heads are good for being giant. LOL.

Keratin is awesome, we need it to make out nails and hair, and animals need it for their horns.

I dunno if Keratin counts as a bone, but if it does, then I should be talking about it.

There are lots of bones in your body. A lot of bones are in your face, only a few are in your arm, a lot are in your hands and feet, and finally, the ribs count as bones, which means your chest has a huge amount of bones.

If you have a skeleton in your class, try to observe it. It has screws in it, doesn't it! That's because your muscles hold your bones together. So it's all a you help me I help you situation. :)

Everything we used to know about bones was wrong. Because we believed the romans. Turned out they were idiots.

Why do Rhinos have big heads? Their skulls are just like elephant skulls!

Streamlined skulls are awesome! Woohoo! Swimmin like a boss! Oppa's Polar Bear Style.

We don't have a very cool skull, but that doesn't mean we are awesome monsters.

We are the only ones who can dance! We can even dance to Oppa's Gangnam Style.

So that means our skeletal system is pretty great, don't you think.

We are very smart, and if we want to stay that way, we must have a nice, hard skull.

We need energy to move our bones, if we don't have energy, the only thing holding us together would be our skeleton. Our skeleton can't handle itself though.

One of the few bones that only the muscles hold up is your Mandible! It's the first thing to rot off when you're dead.

Some of your bones are not even bones! We have cartilage in our nose and places like that.

Bye for 3 weeks! Bye!

The Very Gross Excretory System.

Your body is using the urinary system right now. Really.

If you do not eat, you die. If your food gets kept in your body, you get a horrible stomachache. So remember, do not hold IT in.

White stuff in the bird poop is the pee. So it isn't all poop. It's pee and poop. Gross.

Do not put your nephrons end to end. It will heavily damage you. But if you do do that (you poor man), it will stretch over 80 kilometres. Very far. You could stretch across a highway with it. Cool eh? But a little gross.

Ladies, Men, they pee from different places. We both have 2 holes. One for peeing, and one for pooping. Our excretory system ends right there. The holes are in different places though. According to your gender. But i'd rather not talk about the holes right now, let's just talk about something else tomorrow!
The Excretory System and The Digestive System.

There is a lot of terrible stuff that can get in your stomach, and your excretory system's job is to get rid of it. So it gets rid of all of the now-sapped-of-energy food and the poison in it.

By the way, I was wrong last time, your stomach actually has acid-proof goop on it, the whole thing isn't really acid-proof.

If you have bad bacteria in your body, your stomach might just try to rush it out quickly, so your poop gets runny. You may hate it, but it's just your stomach's failsafe.

Renal Cortex means Renal BARK. Gross, but cool at the same time. Haha!

I say by the way too much, but you just gotta know this. Your bladder is where your pee is contained. May I use the proper term for pee and poop? Yeah. Faeces and Urine.

Your anus is where the faeces comes out. Your anus is your butt, if you were wondering.

Our organs are very good at their job, because they don't take breaks. Unless you're dead. Then they take a LONG break.

Even the word Excretory seems gross to me. Doesn't it seem gross to you?! If not, I'd hate to break it to you, you should think it's gross.

Your pee is water, heheheh.

Your pee is yellower according to how much you drink. If your pee is red, well, then you have a problem. I think you should see a doctor. If you have weird poop, then think about what you had the last time you ate. Beets?

Beets is the 100th word I said.

Our organs, cut up and stretched, could stretch a LOT longer than even our height. Weird eh?

You might die if one of your organs shut down.

Some organs are more important than others.

Mucus and Pus are gross, you shouldn't even touch it.

There is lots of awesome things happening in your body, the excretory system is only one of them.

Your pee is yellower if you drink less.

Do you not like being peed on? Then avoid bird poop, because that is not just poop, that is both the bird's excretements.

We absorb a lot of energy, but the stuff that isn't absorbed turns into poop.

Your excretory system starts with the food getting sapped of it's energy. And after that, the water gets sucked out of the now-sapped food, giving you more water, not enough to survive, but enough for the body to be happy. Then it gets passed down to your anus, where the now sapped and water-sucked food gets excreted from your very complicated body. Where pee goes, that's another story. And I am not talking about it. Sorry men! I hope you learnt more about the excretory system through this!

Your excretory system is very weird. But that doesn't mean that it isn't important. It is important!

There are lots of parts in your digestive system. Your excretory system is the continuation of the digestive system.

Every mammal has a excretory system, ok? This is one of the true things about mammals, unlike all the other stuff I told you! Kidding, kidding.

Antisteve is scary, I made him.

Lots of animals have an excretory system, and they're not afraid to use it. LOL.

We are very bad at naming things, so that's why all our names are so complicated. John. Jo-hn.
J-o-h-n Geohhne.

Our kidneys are very important.

Do you want a kidney transplant? Go to egypt.

Henle is impossible to gross out, he loved to dissect eyeballs, kidneys and brains, plus he was a big fan of mucus and pus.

Pus is gross, it has blood in it. Really. BYE HOPE YOU LIKED THIS POST!